I know im the bad guy. Trust me the voices in my head have played those words on a never ending loop. Its basically elevator music at this point. My heart wants to break as the guilt and self hate settles itself in my joints. My bones threatening to snap themselves just to feel something. The rolled up herb in my hand burns as it stings my throat and the smoke coats my tongue. Everything starts to float away in every exhale i take. I know Im the bad guy. The tears of others are building up in my memories teasing my own to start running. The words that fell out of my mouth and onto your plate were so sharp that it shatters. I know im the bad guy. And as youre struggling to pick up the pieces i look at you. No emotions are allowed to peek through my mask. The same mask that i had designed when i was a little girl.